I want to thank Jeff and Kelly for taking on this topic and the huge need for help with this societal problem. The challenge I have with their approach is several, not to condemn their belief system but the results we have gotten over the many years we have used this method.
Anxiety and fear are not mental disorders, they are mental reactions to what we actually feel. For example, fear or for that matter anger are the physical/ mental reactions to what we feel. The traditional way of dealing with fear is to “blame” the situation we are in for how we feel. This approach leaves us disabled to do anything about the fear because the situation is the cause.
All we have to do is look at our own fears and how they have controlled our every move our whole lives. If we just as an example use ourselves as parents and how we have always reacted to our own fears and in many cases projected them onto our children, we can see how the outcome of that always resulted in the confirmation of our fears.
What is underneath the fear? Abandonment? Now you loved and raised your children with the fear of abandonment and controlled all the relationships, so not to feel abandoned by your children, but the controlling of the relationship is the reason why your children will abandon you. Now they just confirmed your fear, but it was the fear that caused the experience, and this is what we are doing to our children as long as we “blame" the situations for what we feel.
We all have the right to believe what ever it is we think works for us, but if the results are not there we might need to think outside the box. Controlling our emotions with our thoughts has never worked, yet we keep teaching our children the same coping mechanism and hoping for a different outcome, when we teach them the same victim-based belief.
Please understand that it is not as easy as it seems, but repeating the same approach that clearly leaves us unable to change anything is not working for many. This is part of a way bigger discussion about what came first the situation or the emotion. I believe the situation is the trigger of the emotion and not the cause and mentally controlling our emotions by saying that we are over reacting is extremely dangerous as we have seen the devastating results of doing that in our relationships.
This is why so many fail as we blame each other for how we feel. Thank you. Peter Tilma
