If I asked you, “What does community mean to you?”, or “What does it look like?”-- I expect the answer would include some reference to those living near you. Which is often true, but not always.
Over the years, I have experienced community in many forms, and in many places. Sometimes meaningful community has transcended borders. In fact, I experienced the beautiful reality of this last form earlier this month.
First, a bit of context.
When I was 18 years old (I am now 52), I leaned into an invitation in Eastern Europe, Bulgaria specifically. Teaching English in a newly opened children’s school, one year into Bulgaria’s post-Soviet chapter. It was the early 90’s and it was then that I met a young Bulgarian man named Hristo. Fondly known number his friends as ‘Itso’.
Itso and I became good friends. I spent two years with him and others while serving in that volunteer position. And for the next 30 years, often with many years in between, Itso and I maintained contact. I got married and started a family. He got married and started a family. Interestingly, our children ended up months apart in age.
You might wonder what quality of community can exist when many years go by between meaningful points of contact? The fact is the last time we saw each other in person was eight years ago. And before that, 15 years prior.
The key ingredient I have found, regardless of physical proximity, is the intention to maintain a deep connection with the other. Staying willing to be ourselves and be vulnerable, even as the years shape us into new iterations. Over the years Itso’s path and mine have not been the same. We currently hold different opinions and even beliefs on certain topics. But our commitment to this friendship has remained.
So what does this type of community look like in physical form? What is the real evidence of this? For me, and this time for my family as well, it looked like this:
Earlier this month my wife and I and our three daughters arrived in Sofia, Bulgaria. Truly a dream come true following years of planning and effort. We landed at one in the morning after a wearying slog of intercontinental travel, only to find my friend Itso waiting past security to greet us. Using his small car he shuttled my family over two trips to the safe haven we had rented on AirBnB. It was the best welcome we ever could have received.
I can honestly say that I have deep love and respect for my friend, Hristo. I believe there was a spark in him that drew us into friendship back in my teens. I suspect it was the same for him, and we have maintained that spark as our paths have allowed.
The unexpected benefit we are now reaping from this decades-old connection is watching our partners and children now connecting with each other, building a small measure of community between them. It brings tears to my eyes. I am very grateful.
So my challenge today is this. When we experience connection with another person, when there is some form of spark that draws us together-- and when that spark gets challenged by the passing of time or distance between-- let us consider the value we have given and received from each other. And, if prompted, let us be the one to reach out.
Truly, a little effort can go a long way; even across continents and decades.
