What is the one thing we all have in common? Our need for connection. It is innate in all of us.
Yet many of us balk at this need. Experiencing past hurt, seeing connection as vulnerability. As a liability. So we hide behind masks of “Everything’s fine, how are you?”. Not wanting to show people we’re struggling. We’re good at keeping up appearances so others don’t see the cracks in our armour and judge us. Or reject us. The irony is - so many of us are hiding behind the same “Everything’s ok” facade, and living the shallow, disillusioned life that comes with it.
But what if? What if, in a moment, others could see into our world with all the messiness and imperfection that is us? What would happen? Well - a miracle, actually. At least to our unbelieving mind. Our heart longs for it. Our mind doesn’t believe it can happen. And what is the “it”? Acceptance. Unconditional acceptance for who we are - in all our glory and humanness. We are both fully divine AND mired in frailty. Living this dichotomy every day. Often blind to the former and blinded by the latter. But when others see us for who we really are, when we let them in - a miracle happens. The blinders of our humanity lift and we glimpse the divine. In us and in others. When we see ourselves through this lens and in turn see others this way, we experience common ground, not separation. Inclusion, not exclusion. “We”, not ‘Us’ and ‘Them’.
I have seen this transformative outcome time and time again, right in my own community.
Because that's the key - community. Not the incidental or accidental that comes from moving in beside a new neighbour. I’m talking about the intentional act of opening ourselves up to see, and be seen by, others. Not emotional vomiting onto others and calling it “being vulnerable”. More like baby steps toward becoming more “seen”. Testing the waters in small ways to see who around us is worthy of our disclosure and trust. When someone asks us how we’re doing, let’s try an experiment. Instead of defaulting to “I’m fine, how are you?”, let’s try, “Actually, I’m feeling a little…today.” [sad, frustrated, tired, etc.]. And see what happens. Our brain may try to convince us NOT to do such a thing, “What if you do this and they reject you? Or ignore you? Or worse yet - change the subject?”. The beauty of an experiment is - it doesn’t matter the outcome. We’re simply testing a belief that is holding us back, then observing the outcome.
And what if? What if nothing bad happens? What if they, in turn, share a little piece of themselves? What if we walk away feeling a little more seen? And heard.
Community doesn’t happen by accident, it emerges from thousands of little acts-- of opening ourselves up to those around us in ways that honour our boundaries while making room for deeper connection.
So what are we waiting for? Let’s embark on this community connection experiment. Together.
I think we’ll be surprised by the outcome.
-Nathan Klassen is the co-founder of Innovate Cochrane
